Insight to Women

A man props himself up under a makeshift shelter where five women are organizing their produce in order to sell. He begins to dominate the conversation, instructing women as to what they should be doing. He is fully engaged in conversation until, from the corner of his eye he gets a glimpse of a woman passing. The most noticeable thing about her is her skin...drastically different than the five women he is conversing with, her skin is white. Forgetting the conversation he is in he turns his entire body around on the bench to face the white woman. As she draws nearer he shouts his greetings out to her. She is passing by the shelter and quietly responds. He grabs her wrist and she stops walking and looks the man in the face. He begins asking her where she is from, what she is doing, where she is going.

She patiently responds to the questions all the while trying to nonchalantly remove her wrist from his hand but his grip is firm. Finally he asks the question she's heard a gazillion times, "Srɔ efɔa?" (How is your husband?) She doesn't know how to respond so she doesn't. The man's grip tightened. The woman is not alarmed as this is typical. She knows this man thinks that maybe she'll be his wife. It is at this point that the woman looks around into the face of each of the five women to see what she can learn about this man. Is he a jokester? Do they seem irritated? Where does everyone stand? None of the women look her in the eye. They just go about their business as if they are totally unaware of the conversation taking place but she knows they are all ears.

He says in broken English and a high pitch voice which he thinks she will better understand, "Are you married?"

"No" she responds as she pointedly and firmly remove her hand from his. Some of the women look up and then back down to their work.

"You will marry me."

"No."

"No? Why?"

...............This is the moment...pivotal....how she responds will show her respect for this culture, this man and these women. Her response must be somewhat calculated so as not to turn people away, sound pious, or seem inappropriate.

"Why? Because maybe you are already having a wife," she exclaims with a smile as she glances at the women.

Upon hearing this they all look up at the white woman and exclaim in unison "Ah-Haaaaa!!!!"

Applause is given to the white woman and smiles are exchanged. Relationships have been established and as she walks away she hears the five women shaming the man who seems to just be happy to have conversed with the woman.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Something I've noticed so much here in Ghana is the distance that seems to be between the white woman and the Ghanaian woman. Some of that is the language as I've mentioned in a previous blog. One reason I believe may be the level of education but one of the biggest seems to be the way a foreign woman responds to the local men.

Women have expressed their disdain (in not so subtle ways) for the way men act and express themselves toward foreign women. I've had more married men proposition me than unmarried men. Some are "joking" but I've never laughed at a man who said he would give me a child or that I should give him one. I've had chiefs, pastors, business owners, motorbike drivers, headmasters...all kinds of men proposition me and the same would happen with any other white woman who stepped foot here.

I think I would be a bit disgusted to if I saw the men in my life acting all crazy, disrespectful and crude to visiting women. Ugh!

But the way I respond to these men has been one way that the most doors have opened to establish relationships here in Ghana. I have come upon some fun and funny ways to turn down men WITHOUT totally disrespecting them along WITH expressing my lack of appreciation for their comment. With humor and putting men in their place, I have won many women over.

I remember back in 2007 when all I wanted to do was sit and chat with the women but felt such a thick barrier in the way. It seems like it is just melting away. That's a pretty cool deal! Never know how the Lord will work!!

I'm glad these people here have such a great sense of humor! That's fun to be around. Of course I'm the last to laugh at a joke because it has to be interpreted to me...haha!

The more I learn about women here, the more I appreciate them! They are absolutely incredible people!!!