It’s been several days since my previous post expressing my exhaustion and frustrations. I posted that on the 19th of January and on the 25th I reached my limit. Okay it wasn’t that bad I guess.
Market day in Sogakoƒe had passed and I have desperately needed a smaller coal pot since I arrived. I struggled cooking banku each night because I didn’t want to spend the money on another coal pot. But as I began to pout and get frustrated over dinner I realized it would be quite beneficial to spend the $3.50 for a new coal pot. I had planned to go to Ada junction but found myself cleaning my house and securing everything. When Godson arrived after school to greet me, he informed me he needed to go to Sogakoƒe and get fuel for the motorbike and a couple of other things. Before he even arrived at my house I had my bag packed and planned to go to Soga and stay for a day or two.
I told him I would go with him and as we left the house I told only Edi’s mother that I would be back in a couple days and told no one else of my plans. I went with Godson on his errands and he asked when he should take me home. I said I wasn't going home. I had planned to walk to a guest house on the edge of town and stay there. He refused to let me walk and he took me there. Good thing he took me because there was no room in the inn! So he took me to the other side of town and I found a room there.
He waited until I had paid before he left. I was so embarrassed at how much I was paying to stay for two nights. The amount came to 60 cedis which is about $40. Unless one realizes how far 40 bucks can go here, that might not seem like much. An example is, for lunch one day I bought a whole loaf of bread, rice, fried chicken, a boiled egg, noodles, hot sauce, cole slaw(-ish stuff) and a coke for about $2.85.
Remember how I didn’t want to pay 5 cedis for a coal pot.
So when I got to my room the first thing I did was turn the A/C on and the second thing I did was utilize the restroom facilities. I’m closing in on two months that I have not had a plumbed toilet or a running shower. It was incredible! Running water produces a totally different feeling of clean than a bucket bath. Plus, as I exited the shower there was no dirt, only tile so even my feet stayed clean.
But those aren’t the most important things or the reasons I began writing this post…
I see my frustrations and exhaustion as valid being that I am a foreigner and I’ve picked up living a totally different lifestyle than I am familiar with. I sought counsel from a few people on the idea of leaving but before I received a response I had already decided I would leave my village for a couple of days. I knew they would be supportive and turns out they were.
As I contemplated “getting away” my thought was, “This has to be just an American perspective. Someone in Ghana would not even understand much less approve of something like this.” But then I remembered Mark 1:35. “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”
The hotel would be my solitary place and there I would pray and worship and read and rest and sleep! After I showered, I slept. When I awoke I had a prayer time in which the Lord revealed the state in which I had allowed my heart to fall.
My prayer time was almost non-existent. I read my Bible as the day’s happenings would allow. And my focus on the Lord began to wane. All of these things weren’t my problem though. My problem was that I had allowed my heart to become content with who and where I was. I didn’t come before my King like I do when I am aware of my need for Him and when I want Him to make me more than what I already am.
In my contentment I became complacent. And my focus on the Lord began to wane. All of these things weren’t my problem though. My problem was that I had allowed my heart to become content with who and where I was. I didn’t come before my King like I do when I am aware of my need for Him and when I want Him to make me more than what I already am.
In my contentment I became complacent. Yes, even here on the mission field. I’m not sure when that started, sometime within the last week and a half, but when it did is when I began to rely on my own strength, wisdom and energy. And we all know that we don’t last that long working on our own.
The two nights at the hotel were refreshing and enlightening. My hunger for prayer time and just intimate time with the Lord is renewed and I can better love those around me here at my house and those to whom we travel to minister.
There's something about being in the presence of the Lord that just makes the heart hunger for more...more of His word, His love, His strength, His power and even His correction. Because it is He who makes us into who we are, if only we will let him.
So all in all, I’m not satisfied with whom I am but look back with a grateful heart to what the Lord has done in my life and look forward with anticipation to who the Lord is growing me to be. I want to rely on Him always and trust that when I begin to look to the right or left (or to myself), He will direct my focus back onto Himself, just as He did this week.
A friend from college had a poem in her room in college that I think of often. I like the line that says, “My eyes locked with His…” That’s where I want to be and need to be!
Several have expressed that they have felt the need to pray for me. There certainly has been a necessity for it and I encourage that as you feel led, pray. I can share more of why the Lord might be calling you to pray when I return home.
Until then know that the Lord is Sovereign here in Ghana as well and He is patiently and loving turning (and returning) hearts toward Himself! I praise Him for that!!!!!
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