heavy heart meets the flag of surrender

My heart is heavy.

I'm not sure I have what it takes to keep moving forward.

When I finally love, I love deeply. Collectively, my students have won my heart. They are an incredible source of talent, encouragement, joy, HUMOR, and insight.

To be fair and realistic, they also can be, at times, a source of discouragement and negativity which brings about not only a miserable tone amongst themselves, but a deep sorrow in my heart.

And that is just part of the sorrow. Add in...

*sigh*

...add in the students who have had one or both parents die

...then the students who are having to support their families through their 'part-time'  income

...combine these with the burden of students who are homeless. When the people they're with say, "You have to leave", they have nowhere else to go.

...can't forget the students whose lives have already been shredded by gang involvement, directly or indirectly...and that's without the law involved yet.

...then there are those who have had run-ins with the law of which I cannot expound in the least bit, except to say that I want soooo much for my students. An absence from my class is one more day that I question... Is he or she is okay? Will I see him or her again? Will this student return and finish his or her education?


If I didn't care, I could brush all of this off. If I wasn't a person of faith, I could let it go.

But I do care and I am a person of faith. I follow Jesus or I try. He loved with His whole life. I want to, but it feels like its destroying my spirit and my heart. Heartbreak after heartbreak. When will the morning come? When will the sun shine on the struggle?

I wish our community would come together.

I wish adults would be unified for our youth.

I wish... I wish for more. I expect more. I will continue to work for more. I will fight for more. For my students. Until I can no longer fight.

And the first step in this fight, is to surrender the entire fight to Jesus...

but I don't know what to do next.

From my email update and "Utmost"

We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The questions of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.  …It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God. God’s training is for now, not later. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.  (July 28)

…if you will allow Him to take you to the end of your self-sufficiency, then He can choose you to go with Him… And that will mean the fulfillment of purposes which He does not discuss with you.” As Christians we are not put here for our own purpose at all—we are here for the purpose of God, and the two are not the same. The most important aspect of Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain [with Him] and the surrounding influence and qualities produced by that relationship. (August 4) (Emphasis mine)

God called Jesus Christ to what seemed absolute disaster. And Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death, leading every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. His life was an absolute failure from every standpoint except God’s. …because God’s purpose is never the same as man’s purpose. Our real test is in truly believing that God knows what He desires. The things that happen do not happen by chance—they happen entirely by the decree of God. God is sovereignly working out His own purposes. If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and we recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are. As we grow in the Christian life, it becomes simpler to us, because we are less inclined to say, “I wonder why God allowed this or that?” And we begin to see that the compelling purpose of God lies behind everything in life, and that God is divinely shaping us into oneness with that purpose. A Christian is someone who trusts in the knowledge and the wisdom of God, not in his own abilities. If we have a purpose of our own, it destroys the simplicity and the calm, relaxed pace which should be characteristic of the children of God.” (August 5)

the Truth loves You

Jesus was saying to thsoe Jews who had believed HIm, "If you continue in my Word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.

...Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin.


"The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son does remain forever.

"So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed."

In the above verses what does Jesus say is true about the one who commits sin? Do you see the truth of this verse manifested in society today? How?


Also according to the above verses, who is the only one who can set the slave "free indeed"?


If, as Jesus says in these verses "the truth will make you free," where is the truth to be found?


I encourage any reader, if you have the time (or will make the time), to read the verses and answer the questions. It is not long and doesn't take much depth in thought, however, it can still be insightful.

If you choose to answer them, then just pause here and answer before continuing to read...

I have a friend who often declares with great conviction that the greatest words one can ever speak to another person are "Jesus loves you." In Romaneste it is said, "Isus te iubeste", in Ewe it is, "Yesu lca wo."

The above verses and questions are taken from a Bible study entitled Having a Real Relationship with God (authored by Kay Arthur), through which I am currently working. When I answerd the last question in italics (above) "where is the truth to be found"...I thought, "It's to be found in Jesus, right?" So naturally, as I thought about the phrase "Jesus loves you", I replaced Jesus with "the Truth" as this is also who Jesus is. When I said aloud, "The Truth loves you", it almost seemed oxymoronic!

I mean, come on! Most of us hate the truth. We avoid it. We stick to our illusions and our pre-conceived notions along with our shallow daily interactions-not just with people but also with information, knowledge, work, eating habits, money and so on and so forth. For instance, if I really sat face-to-face with the truth of my eating habits at the beginnong of 2012, I would have definitely seen the truth of myself as a glutton. (Some reading this might still try to force me to stick to the illusion that I was not but that is just not the truth. I ate in excess. I ate beause I enjoyed it. I carried around 30 extra pounds as evidence. But I digress.)

So to say, "The Truth loves you" almost seems ridiculous. How about our slogan- "The truth hurts"? The truth as we know it is painful!

But maybe that's just it. We don't know the Real Truth. We don't know Jesus as the truth.

Let's go back to my 'glutton' example. The real truth is, although i enjoyed what I was eating, it was hazardous to my health and put extra, unnecessary, often painful stress on my body. It wasn't the truth that really hurt...it was the illusion that hurt; it was my choosing enjoyable yet poor eating habits.

On a much deeper level, the Real Truth, Jesus, doesn't hurt. He heals. The Truth sets people free, from addictions, from pain, from pride, from anger, from destruction. He brings peace and joy and unity and love and true humility; yet the journeys to this freedom encompassing these are not always easy.

Before I started this devotional this morning, the inquisition came, "Why would I want other people to know Jesus intimately?"

The only way I could answer this was to peer into my own life and see where God has given me an incredible relationship with my mother, whereas before we struggled to relate to each other. I saw where I was a slave to sin that unhurriedly sought to destroy me, and I experienced Jesus taking me from a devastating place of ruin and worthlessness to a place of healing and purpose. After seven years of choosing to folllow Him, I see how, even when I fall into temptation and make poor decisions for myself and my faith, HE, Jesus, the Truth, is the one who really loves me and who brings me back to a place that is best for myself and for others.

SO today I say to you reading this, "The Truth loves you. He unquestionably loves you."

Taking a break from all the plans that I have made...

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze

If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols


Jerk the pews & all the decorations, too 

Until the congregations few, then have revival

Tell your friends that this is where the party ends 

Until you're broken for your sins, you can't be social


Then seek the Lord and wait for what He has in store 

And know that great is your reward so just be hopeful


'Cause you can sing all you want to

Yes, you can sing all you want to

You can sing all you want to

And still get it wrong;
worship is more than a song


Take a break from all the plans that you have made 

And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper

Beg Him please to open up His mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister

Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open

Then read the Word and put to test the things you've heard 

Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken


'Cause you can sing all you want to

Yes, you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to

And still get it wrong; worship is more than a song


We must not worship something that's not even worth it

Clear the stage, make some space for the One who deserves it


Anything I put before my God, is an idol
Anything I want with all my heart, is an idol
Anything can't stop thinking of, is an idol
Anything that I give all my love, is an idol

'Cause I can sing all I want to

Yes, I can sing all I want to
I can sing all I want to
And still get it wrong

And you can sing all you want to

Yes, you can, you can sing all you want to

You can sing all you want to

And still get it wrong; worship is more than a song
Worship is more than a song

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze
If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols

Fighting to not be "Miss Jonah"

I'm back in the US. I got back a week ago today. It was a last minute decision to buy the ticket, but it was a long-time-coming-decision as I had been praying about what to do for a couple of months and in my gut, knew this would be the conclusion.

I don't know why I'm back. I'm told (by others) that I made a mistake or that I am making a mistake. Still others say that I am now where I should be.

In a sentence, what I "planned" to do in Ghana didn't pan out, but God still did amazing things in sports ministry and in the lives of believers in Ghana; sometimes I was a leader and sometimes I was an observer and other times I was a participant.

But even knowing and thinking of all of the incredible things God did as He worked out His own plan, something in me (selfishness, pride) makes me want to turn into a copy of Jonah.

The message of plans for work in Ghana are digitally recorded in church service, they're written out here in the blogs, and they've been shared verbally in many cities, towns and villages on three continents.

The hardest part about booking my plane ticket was the fact that things didn't work out the way I expected. That's pride to the max isn't it? 

I felt like God gave me all of these dreams and vision for Ghana and every. single. one. fell through. 

In that respect, I felt like Jonah on the boat. Because every program I was working with was ceasing, failing or going downhill, surely it was me. I was the only common thread in the different ministry efforts throughout the country. I began to pull back some and just go with what was before me rather than force anything.

Then sickness came by way of parasites. Forcing me to be still. All I could do was think, and sometimes not even that!

As the next ministry plans fell through, I knew for certain that I would be going home although I was (and still am) unsure why things must play out this way.

I didn't have to fight at first. I recognized my place, humbled as I purchased my plane ticket. But somewhere in the last few days, something has built up in me and I feel like I'm fighting to not be a female version of Jonah, mad at God because he was sent by Him on a task to declare something which would never play out because of God's great grace.

I left on a task, leaving my supporters and friends and especially family with expectations. And carrying those same expectations with me on my shoulders. And by God's grace, as it is interwoven into every detail by His nature, those expectations didn't play out, but rather He provided relevant and applicable events and lessons that would speak better into the lives of those with whom we worked.

So why is it that my insides still feel like they are fighting? God's way was better for the people.

An online commentary on Jonah describes how I feel inside...(the weak and miserable part, not the want to die part.)

"Verse 8 Next day, when the sun grew hot, God also provided a hot east wind to blow upon Jonah’s head. Jonah felt so weak and miserable, he wanted to die. Jonah’s words were like Elijah’s words in the desert. Elijah, too, had run away. But he really wanted to do God’s work, and thought he had failed (see 1 Kings 19:4)."

Although I feel like I was forced to leave Ghana, in some ways, I feel like I've run away from the ministry or from the faith. 

The last sentence- "But he really wanted to do God’s work, and thought he had failed (see 1 Kings 19:4)."    - I feel like also speaks about how I feel. The verse referenced in 1 Kings is "while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”"

I have had enough Lord. Take my life. Do what you want. Anywhere. Africa. U.S. Sports. Teaching. Only, help me to see you and not me.

Edinam and our Emotional Conversation

Edinam. If you’ve kept up with the posts here, then you’ve already “met” her. If not, feel free to check out the post "Meet Edinam". =)

Last night Edinam and I had a very emotional conversation. It started by a translation mistake.

We were talking about school and I asked Edinam, 

“Are you nice to people at school or not nice?”

She said she was not nice.

I pressed for her to tell me what that means but she just buried her face into the bed. She wouldn’t look at me and she wouldn’t say a word. I tried to rephrase the sentence several times before I forced her to sit up and speak to me.

We had just finished talking about Jesus’ miracle in John 4 about how He healed the officials son by merely saying, “You may go. Your son will live.” We discussed why Jesus healed the son and how Jesus loves people so much and wants to know all of us.

The aforementioned conversation came about because I began talking about school as a way to discuss how Edinam could practically show Jesus’ love to others. I was shocked when she told me that she wasn’t nice to people. Edinam is the sweetest kid I know here in Ghana. I have never seen her be mean to anyone, not even an animal.

But here is the conversation as it is translated into the meaning that Edinam understood:

“Are you beautiful to people at school or not beautiful?” In other words she heard, “Do the children at school say you are beautiful or ugly?”

She answered ugly.

Edinam has eyes that are crossed. When one looks straight the other is turned inside. Its nearly impossible to overlook, unless one has known her for years and becomes accustomed to it.

Edinam hates pictures. She doesn’t even like to look at someone straight into the face in conversation. I think if she would walk around with a shroud at all times she would. She suffers, mostly inside.

When I came to understand that our definitions of nice were different, I went ahead and continued the conversation about her eyes. I asked what people said. She said it’s mostly boys who make fun of her. She cried. I held her and cried with her. And then I realized, Jesus didn’t even see the son’s official when He healed him. He didn’t touch him. He didn’t do anything but state that he would live.

I wanted to share this with Edinam. But Edinam isn’t the first little girl that I’ve wept with here in Ghana over her pain.

At least three years ago, Agnes and I left a church that was charging people around $10 to be “healed” in Jesus name. Halfway home we stopped and sat on the ground and wept. Neither of us understood why God had her in that state and why she had to struggle so much. We prayed. She still struggles.

God has answered our prayer for Agnes that night. He just didn’t answer in the way that my heart longed for Him to answer.

I didn’t know if Edinam could handle us praying for healing and God answering the same way He did with Agnes I didn't know if I could handle it. But I felt that God had given us that miracle story for that moment. So I told her that there was nothing we could do. We are in Africa! But God can do anything. Just as Jesus did with the boy, He can simply speak from where He is seated at the right hand of the Father, and command her to be healed. He can provide a doctor here in Ghana or elsewhere. He could also decide to only heal her on the inside.

And so right now my prayer for her is two-fold:

1.     1. That God would miraculously heal her, giving her a life-long testimony and causing her to forever be committed to the One True God!

2.     2. That God would show her who she is in Him, allowing her to smile big and look straight at the camera as her confidence is in Him. I pray that she will be able to look people in the eye in conversation, even if she can only do so with one eye.

3.     3. Actually its three-fold…she is struggling to see up close. They don’t read much in school but when exam time comes, she struggles to see the paper. When I put some reading glasses on her to see if they would help, she said she couldn’t even see out of one eye. Please pray that her sight will not decrease as we seek God’s face on what He will do with her.

4.   4.   Let’s make it four-fold…I would like to ask that all who read this would pray for our hearts to be ready to receive whatever it is God has in store for Edinam. The prosperity gospel invades everything and I want Edinam to understand that God is not a genie-in-a-bottle, but a Sovereign ruler who really knows what’s best for His children, even when it doesn't make sense to us!

My heart is heavy for this special little girl!

Back in Perspective

I have had a difficult time writing these days, and although I’ve not done a good job of staying up-to-date with the goings on here, I want to share a lesson I learned from today (which is now yesterday).

Today I was more lonely than ever. Today I wanted to go home. Today I wanted to quit on those working around me. Today I wanted to give up on God. Today I had the chance to talk to Daddy and I just wanted to ask how he was feeling and ask for tips on riding our motorcycle, but before I knew it, I had turned our precious time into a vent session.

A little later in the day I called to talk to the lovely woman who disciples me. I shared some encouraging news with her, then some of my discouragement and she prayed. After she prayed for me and we hung up, I continued my Bible study and although it was totally unrelated, a thought hit me…

“How dare I mope around the house, wasting time, wasting the beautiful rainy day, because things aren’t going as I expect! What am I saying about God as I remain in this state?!”

It was more like God’s question to me. The answer, “I guess when I’m like this, I’m saying God isn’t big enough. He doesn’t see the big questions looming over me. He can’t handle the needs of this ministry. He can’t manage the calling He’s placed on my life and letting me know what I’m to do next.”

It was a realization that snapped me out of my mopey mood and put things in perspective. I was disappointed in myself at time wasted, especially the time to talk with my dad.

I am grateful for the chance to come before a holy God and be sorry and know that based on His promise, He will surely forgive me and make me clean. I’m grateful that He doesn’t destroy us when He shows us our errors but gently leads us in the way that is right, before Him.

No one loves me like that. No one is as gentle. And when, by my actions, I say all those things mentioned above, He still loves, He still provides, and He still leads.

What a mighty, compassionate, patient God we serve.

Farm Pictures: The beginning

My "son" Kwesi and I on our return from observing someone's farm. Just wanted to show the unique names of our drinks. Mine was "Steri Stumpie" which was chocolate milk and Kwesi's was "Yomi" which sort of looks like 'Vomi'. Just found it interesting. :)

One of my favorite things ever is to see shoes outside my door. Look at all these shoes! They represent people in our house (and in our lives) that we have the opportunity to connect with and love.

The boys came ready to go to the farm with us to clear land. We utilized around 20 machetes and 3 hoes to clear our small piece of land.

A little fun before heading out to work.

Our incredible volunteers after clearing the land. Sokpoe Ridgers Babies (15 and under), but they didn't clear land like "babies"! They took down four trees and lots of brush with just machetes! Go team!

Standards according to...

So I've been made aware of something after being here for oh, six weeks or so.

When it comes time to make a decision and I think, "What should I do? What is okay?" I find myself using the standard of my own culture. I justify the way I dress because its more conservative than most people back home.

Its not just clothes, that's just an example. All throughout the day I catch myself, or GOD catches me, choosing to use which ever standard suits me. "The my church does ____." "The way we do _____ in the US." "The way my European friends do ______."

So whose standard is the right one? We know the answer. Its obvious. What's not obvious all the time is what standard we are actually using!

Its harder to use the Word as my standard because I can't manipulate it. I can't make it mean what I want it to and be at ease with that. But even when making a tough decision or an uncomfortable one or one that leads towards MORE work rather than less, when its the right one (according to God's Word) its feels so much better.

Just something I noticed about myself last week.

The Sports World

It seems like every day the world of sports ministry grows. Actually, its like it is already grown but we are being made more aware of the other "members of the body".

There is an organization that is working in the central part of Ghana. THey have partners in ministry from the US and possibly other countries.

I am hoping to go and meet them and see what they are doing. I have plans for Godson and I to fly to Kumasi this week if it works out. This is a ministry that I hope to not only highlight on this blog but also to follow their lead in sports ministry here in the Volta Region.

But before I get ahead of myself, we'll work on meeting them first! More to come...

Physical Refreshment

...wOw!!! If you haven't read the post Spiritual Refreshment, please read it before reading this one so that you can see the full picture of what God has done!!

Last night (April 16) before bed, I typed up the last post on Spiritual Refreshment. I didn't have internet to post it so I close my computer and fell asleep. Around 10pm or so, it began to rain. It was a slow soft rain on the tin roof. Enough to drown out the goats and noises from other houses but not enough to feel as if we were in a monsoon. It rained and rained and rained! By the time I woke up at 6am it was still raining. I laid in bed until seven something listening to the rain and finally got up to spend time in the Word.

I praised God for the nourishment our maize was getting and that we could now plant ayi, they use the English word beans but it is what we call black-eyed peas. I thanked him for the cool weather and that it was even possible to stay in bed until 7am.

Then as I was finishing my devotional it began to absolutely pour! Earlier that morning, I had set a 7-10 gallon bucket out under a gutter by my house. At the time it began to pour the bucket would be filled in about 5 minutes. I would empty it into a small cistern inside and then set it outside again.

In my last post I mentioned it seemed like people didn't realize the crisis in which we'd found ourselves. I was wrong. Girls ran out in the pouring rain with their large bowls and buckets on their head. I watched them run straight to my house and stand under the gutters. Two began to fight, dropping their buckets. I took one girls bucket and put it in place of my own. They are aware.

It rained for nearly twelve hours. After just an hour the girls had collected all the water their storage could hold.

God brought rain for our dry land, our dry weather and our dry pipes. There is still a problem with the pipe HOWEVER...

the blessings didn't stop... an hour or so after the rain stopped, I heard water running. I ran to the shower where I had left the faucet open and saw water coming out!!! I could not believe my eyes! I collected about 15 gallons of water this morning from the rain and NOW I was getting clean water from the pipe!

At first I was making sure the water would hit my hand and not the bucket because if it was loud, the neighbors would come and turn theirs on which would turn mine off. But then I realized I wasn't getting my work done and it was silly for me to try to get all of the water for myself.

So I moved my hand and said aloud, "Jesus I trust you as provider of water. You don't need me."

Then another crazy thing happened. After running smoothly, there began to be air in the pipes where it sputtered out. At first I thought, "They will surely hear and I won't have water with which to wash dishes or cook. I said I trusted God though so I didn't go back. As I listened I realized, the sputtering made it sound like I was pouring water from a bucket rather than it running from the pipe.

The water ran enough for me to have about 15 gallons of piped water.

The morning was spent praising God for the rain. The way He provided was a miracle and a blessing in itself.

But the greatest thing of all is evidenced in an email I wrote to a friend...

"And guess what….OH PRAISE GOD!!! It has been raining for 12 hours now!!!! God has brought RAIN! Our thirsty hearts have been quenched, our dry ground is soaked and the water that has been cut off (haven't had any since we got back from Accra) is being replaced by rain water. People have been suffering for water and today God has brought more than we can contain…in every way!

I just had to share this with y'all. It is a confirmation of God's provision. And I just think how each time we went to the farm we prayed for rain. I questioned why God hadn't brought it. No one will ever convince me of anything other than the fact that when we were obedient/faithful to come before God with pure motives, just to know Him, be with Him, confess to Him…He answered the cry of our hearts for renewal with Him and then refreshment for our land and our needs. "If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their lands." Its true. He has done it.

Mawu lolo nutc! God is great oh!"

Spiritual Refreshment...

16 April 2012

Most may not know it, but in my village and the surrounding villages, we are in a bit of a crisis. What seems strange is it seems like many here don’t see it as such.

Something has happened with an essential part in the treatment process as water is pumped from the river to be pumped into the village systems. The answer I received was, “The reservoir has spoiled.”

Just one month ago, few people went to the riverside for more than just a leisurely day of washing clothes. Now, people are forced to fetch water for their every need. Many are buying purified water in sachets for drinking, quite an expense for many families. Even the purified water is scarce as it is the piped water that is purified and bagged. Today I visited a man named Evans. He and his wife have been absolutely incredible and if there is anyone here that I would consider my family, its THEM! They look after me so well and have assisted me in learning everything from formal greetings to the easiest way to prepare Banku!

Each time we leave their house, they give us water. First it was one bag, then it was four, then five, then six!  Even in a time when their water business was at a standstill, they still gave. Today I noticed they had a huge cistern hauled in with water so they could continue their business.

There is no way this problem could go on so long in a more developed country. My biggest questions deal with health. What will happen to people here if they don’t have treated water? What health issues will arise? Will the young children be okay?

Most people bath twice a day. As water is rationed, we try to just stay clean. Although I went to farm and played with kids today, I just washed my legs and my hands before heading to bed. My dishes have been waiting since yesterday. And I will NEED to wash clothes soon.

Just before we left for Accra we got so low we were forced to fetch water at the riverside. Then, in the night, the water came on enough to almost fill one big tub of water. We are now low again. Its only me in the house for the most part so I’m praying God will provide what’s needed! Jehovah Jireh!

Water is a necessity. So is the living water. Some of our leaders in ministry have experienced a time in our life where we have been parched and unsure, or unmotivated, of what to do next. After a lengthy conversation and insight and honesty, this morning was devoted to personal time in the Word and group time in the Word.

God is faithful and gave water to His thirsty ones! And we drank, and drank, and drank. And then for the rest of the morning were drunk with the happiness and joy that comes from time in His presence, that comes from Living Water flowing into the parched life!

And just like God does...He poured out his blessings...more than we could contain.............please see the next post!

KidsGames

Much has gone on in the last 72 hours. I am sitting at a newly completed desk that my  dear friend , Carlin, built. He has since left Ghana and now I am here as the lone American working with the ministry. This is good and, well, mostly good I suppose. I miss my dear loved ones more than ever. At the same time, as I arrived home I found myself on my knees. All I have is Jesus. Now I have some awesome friends and co-laborers for Jesus, this is true. At the same time, I cannot rely on “my people” (as they say here) as my coping mechanism at which to vent or think through. Now my frustrations must (and should’ve from the beginning) first go to Jesus.

Today we held KidsGames. Due to lack of planning and then, of course, last minute issues, we were not well-prepared. I thought I had done a good job of preparing in the absence of my Ghanaian co-laborers. Unfortunately my Western-organized mind didn’t help the situation.

The way things turned out, we didn’t even get to the MEAT, the Bible stories. The leaders met afterward and decided to scrap the KidsGames Curriculum given and come up with their own. We will meet on Friday to plan the next KidsGames, which will likely be two weeks from today. We shall see. I’m hoping we can still utilize the concepts of KG because they are key to learning.

Today was a good day. Meeting after the games revealed a lot. We have learned from today. We have a better scope and sequence when it comes to our desired outcomes and objectives that will get us there. We will hold a couple more games in Sokpoe to continue to work out kinks and gain a better understanding of the best way to reach these kiddos in a meaning and relevant way.

It’s been a few days since I’ve been THIS exhausted at the end of the day and its not even 8pm!

Tomorrow is a day to go to the farm and weed and then off to the beach!! I have wanted to go for two weeks but more important things have come up. We’ll see what happens for tomorrow!

Please pray for our leadership team. Today we have increased by one! Our team now includes a young man named Aikens (sp?). He loves Jesus and loves football. He wants to be a part of ministering through sports so we warmly welcome him. He is the disciple-ee of Mawuko. J

My RIGHTS!

Am I not free?... Don't I have rights too?!

That's what Paul starts writing about in chapter nine of 1 Corinthians.

Lately, with opposition from all sides (mostly just because of cultural differences) I find myself saying, "I'm free! I have rights! I can do it (wash, clean, dress, talk) any way I stinkin' want to!!!! So there!"

And as I read Paul's words, I realized, "Yes. I am am free! There are rights and freedoms that God has given us."

After establishing the fact that they have rights, Paul continues and says,
"But we did not use this right."

Ouch!

"On the contrary, we put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ."

"I have not used any of these rights...What then is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the gospel I may offer it Free of charge, and so not make use of any of my rights in preaching it."

He's talking about specific rights but I believe this same principle applies to any and all rights.

As I am reading this I find it painful, because it reveals the shallow willingness inside my heart. I say I want the Gospel shared at all costs but the biggest hindrance I find here is me.

I want to be able to say, "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the [Eve] I became like an [Eve], to win the [Eves]. ...to the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the Gospel, that I might share in its blessings."

I cannot say those things yet, but I can say,  by God's infinite grace, I have a continued opportunity to try. And as I have been convicted, I am working on it.

This summer I gave up some rights and without even having to think, I've taken them up again. As I've entered a new culture, there are new ones I have to give up. So my prayer this morning is:

Jesus, please deliver me from

the desire of being loved (I cannot be loved here the same way I am loved at home. Showered with hugs and words of affirmation and security in that love.)
the desire of being preferred to others (It feels like rejection when I am unable to spend time with the handful people that I am close to because they've chosen so be with other people or other activities)
the desire of being consulted (Often, I am unaware of decisions made and while I have full trust in those making them, I get irritated sometimes when I'm not included. I don't want to be this way.)
from the desire of being approved
from the fear of being ridiculed (I can handle some, but it happens so often here, its like its a special sport to ridicule Sandra.)
from the fear of being falsely or maliciously accused (the accusation as of late is that I have a school here and people are not happy with me ...schools are businesses here. This means the rumors lead people to believe that I am taking money from others.)
from the fear of being forgotten (Irrational, yes, but still I need to be delivered from this.)


So Jesus I pray for deliverance from these rights, desires and fears. And in place of them I ask that You remind me that I am wholly loved by You, that You are surely Sovereign over all, that in You there is no room for fear, only perfect love. Thank you that I am not forgotten. Please help to see what I can lay aside for the sake of the gospel and give me the courage and perseverance to do so! Mawu lolo nutc! God you are so great! Amen.

Meet Edinam

Prounounced "Eddy-Nahm", her name means "God has given me that which I was looking for".

Precious huh? As she is sitting here playing Mancala (or Oware here) she informed me that she is the only girl on her father's side of the family. 

I think her name is fitting for me too. She turns 12 on the 17th of May. She is a sweetheart in so many ways. She is humble and patient. She is unlike other children and adults here in that she does not make incessant demands on me. She will often ask if she can travel with me to which I mostly must respond, "No."

Today is different. Today Mawuko, Godson and I are traveling to Accra for a Sports Ministry Meeting. I have no idea what this meeting is about but it is supposed to be only two hours. For some reason, today I want to bring Edinam along. There is something about her, something within her.

This morning she moved around the room quietly for a bit, observing all the things she's seen before and then she said, "Yesterday Jesus die." My heart lit up for an opportunity to discuss Jesus' death and resurrection with my precious little friend. 

I affirmed her statement and asked if she knew why. She had no idea. I went through a brief story of sacrificial times to Jesus' death. She was in awe and seemed to understand. After we discussed the importance of His death, I mentioned the importance of his coming back to life. "Easter!" she exclaimed, "That is Sunday." 

"Yes, that is the day we celebrate Jesus and His power. And when we follow Him because He is stronger than death, we don't have to be afraid of anything."

She grinned and so did I! It was a special moment, the moments I anxiously await here.

Edinam and I took a picture together but I cannot post it now. In the background there is a cloth of pictures that depict history from Creation to Jesus' return. Kids are absolutely MESMERIZED by it here! So I think I will begin to get the stories down in such a way that I can memorize them verbatim and share them with the children to give them a full picture of the Gospel. 

My joy is full this morning! Thank you Jesus that You willingly gave your life for me, for Edinam, for everyone who will accept it, and even for those who won't. Thank you that you are patient with me when I so often fail to follow in Your ways! Thank You that tomorrow we can celebrate Your power, displayed in incredible greatness, that death itself cannot wave a finger at it. Thank You that You have given us this same power. All praise and glory and honor is for You alone because God, You are the only One who is worthy!

May this Easter be holy, worshipful one for you and yours where we can wholeheartedly focus on the love of a Savior and the power of the One we serve.