What really matters?
See if you can determine the race of each woman in the following conversation:
See if you can determine the race of each woman in the following conversation:
(The conversation was two hours long; these are snippets of summary.)
Which woman is black and which woman is white?
You may have already known from the beginning but if not I'll hope you will stop and just take a guess before continuing to read.
The cool part of this conversation between a friend and myself, which I didn't realize until an hour or so afterward, was that on which we were each focused.
See my friend and I are not the same race but we are so very much the same. Except I'm definitely stronger than her and she's way cuter than me...just because of her glasses of course. But we both have big hearts, strong minds about us, deep convictions, a touch (okay a LOT) of sassiness, and the desire for ourselves and this world to be better.
Our conversation reflected our many similarities but also highlighted our differences in experiencing life through the shade of our skin tone.
The blue messages were my friend (left) and the gray messages were mine.
What came out of our conversation blew me away.
Interestingly enough, my heart was so heavy, that I could not just let it go that for ages so many African Americans had been done so wrong. I'm not trying to fix the past. It's done. However, I am angry with past pain made new again through present pain made light of and disregarded. "How dare we, as a nation?!" are my thoughts. "How dare we tromp on hurting hearts, hearts that WANT to move forward but have little upon which to look back and 'hope forward'?"
My friend, on the other hand, is ready for America to move past history and just be better. She doesn't want race to be the continual focus. And I see her perspective and respect it. I can agree with her.
She also heard me as I spoke about history and agreed to the relevance.
The point here is not "who is right"; it is the fact that we have each others' back. I want her to be okay because I love her and she's my friend. I want her to have every opportunity I have and to have it WITHOUT FEAR.
She's not easily offended, I very well might have said some things the wrong way or slathered my speech with politically incorrect verbiage, but she knows my heart. And I know hers. She's not trying to get at anyone or seek retribution for past incidents personally or universally. She simply wants better and she wants ALL of us to be better.
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Talking with her reminded me of an illustration that has changed my life:
I was given this illustration years ago that looked like so...
...with one exception- we were actual people and after standing in the circle, everyone took a giant step in, making it nearly impossible for anyone to get out!
So here's the deal. This picture here...the one with the people holding each other's shoulders...that's one of our answers people. That's it.
We have each others' back. I have my friend's and she has mine. And if I'm taking care of her, maybe people won't be hating on her for RIGHTFULLY speaking up against injustice. If she points out that all people's lives matter too, then both peoples are being addressed and I don't have to look like a neo nazi for mourning losses around me. Notice, we aren't protecting each others' skin color and nothing in the previous sentence was centered on race; we are looking after each other, protecting each others' hearts and looking after each others' loved ones. Period.
Look at it again...
Let's say you are the blue one at 6 o'clock (south).
If you were looking straight ahead, from peripheral left to center to peripheral right, how many of those people in the circle might you be able to see?
(MY guess would be all but my direct left and right.)
Okay, now you're still the blue one, but you turn around and are watching behind you to see that nothing is happening, and that your own back is covered; how many people might you be able to see from peripheral left to center to peripheral right AFTER turning 180* and facing the rear (with your back to the circle)?
MY guess would be one or two, if that.
Why try to watch my own back when I can have multiple brothers and sisters looking after me? Thirteen people in this picture; that's 26 eyes watching my back for me as opposed to my two.
And I can look out for thirteen others rather than "numero uno".
People- friends, foes and loved ones alike- it is time to face forward, join shoulder to shoulder, take a giant step in, and watch each others' backs instead of only being concerned with our own OR with being right.
Face forward
- let's move forward today, right now.
Join shoulder to shoulder
-you might not like my flaws or other idiosyncrasies, but thank you for accepting me anyway. We can be our own person and still agree that every human life is sacred and that we care about each other.
Take a giant step in
- at some point this WILL get harder if we are trying to do it together. If we are trying to change the world, inevitably we will stare opposition in the face. If we step in and let no one out, we do it in love. You tired? No problem. Relax. Because we are so tightly knit that you don't have to hold yourself up anymore. We got you. No one gets out. Rest. And then join us in strength again. ALSO, if we are tight knit, no haters get in.
Watch each others' back
-can you imagine the beauty of seeing one race taking care of another? A love running so deep for people that you would fight their battles for them? Can you imagine what that love feels like? To listen to someone support you and look after you when they could more easily berate you OR just keep after their own? Ultimate sacrifice is for one person to lay down their life for another, right? Wouldn't it count just the same for me to lay down my politics, my agenda, my biases and generational prejudices and my comfort for the good of another?
I know. I may not be in as big a circle as I like, but as I thought about it today, my circle runs pretty wide, and it is definitely not just black and white. I've had the privilege to be amidst many different cultures and peoples both Stateside and abroad, and in EVERY SINGLE PEOPLE GROUP is an unmatched beauty. To look at one against another is to try to compare the beauty of a rose and a tulip. They aren't the same in their beauty, yet both cause people to stop and enjoy.
A word of caution and grace:
We can't hate because others don't "get it" yet. We can just continue to be a difference maker in our proximity, touching those within range. And when the time is right, they too will get it.
(Shout out to Love What Matters for continually posting the good stuff!)
Communication is key. And I, for one, am listening with an open and aching heart.
Lean in y'all. Let's do this.
