I like words. But I’m not good with them. Here lately I haven’t been able to express myself well. What I feel inside seems impossible to express in words. As I finished reading a book called Kisses from Katie, the author, Katie (a young American woman living in Uganda), had the words.

“Sometimes sadness seems almost unbearable, the problems unsolvable, the wounds un-healable. This has taught me one of the greatest lessons: the tension between inefficiency and faithfulness. The assurance that I must obey and be faithful only to what He has asked of me, even when tangible, earthly results or successes are not seen. I want to help them all, fix all their problems, and successfully find a solution to their horrendous living conditions. But often in an un-ideal situation, there is not an ideal solution this side of heaven. … God assures me this is okay. If I continue to preach the gospel, and more important, live the gospel here – even if outward conditions never change or change very slowly- and these people can live eternally with Jesus in heaven someday, a few years of suffering will pale in comparison.” (Emphasis mine.)

When I read this, my heart was affirmed in my feelings toward Ghana and my expectations beginning March 13^th, but also my feelings here as I say goodbye to friends and family who are hurting.

I’ve questioned God, “How do I say goodbye? (Likely final goodbyes to some of my dear friends in their 80’s and 90’s.) How do share the JOY in the call with family members, (who know I’ll miss the birth of their first child, and graduations, and weddings,) when my own heart experiences grief in knowing this? How can I ‘be there’ for people I love when I’m half a world away? How is it possible to be excited and ready to answer the call and GO and at the same time feel sadness of what I’m leaving behind? Why do I feel guilty when I experience one feeling more than the other?”

With these questions and emotions swirling around inside of me, I have felt like something is wrong. But this morning my Lord affirmed me, that nothing is wrong. This is normal. This is part of what it is to follow Christ.  It’s a bucket, full of roses and manure. It is joy and it is suffering. It is joy in suffering.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. I consider our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:17 & 18

For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 1 Corinthians 1:5

I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:10

Also in her book, Katie writes:

“I have learned along my journey that if I really want to follow Jesus, I will go to the hard places. Being a Christ follower means being acquainted with sorrow. We must know sorrow to be able to fully appreciate joy. Joy costs pain, but the pain is worth it. After all the murder had to take place before the resurrection.

Going into the hard places, entering into the sorrow because He entered for us first and because, by His grace, redemption and beauty are on the other side.”

Well said Katie, well said.

Suffering comes in many shapes and sizes, different intensities and frequencies, but it is never easy.  Even so, there is always a purpose in suffering. Lately I’ve struggled to believe this in faith, but today I see it. It’s true.  The ultimate purpose of suffering is just what Philippians 3:10 shows us. The depth of Philippians 3:10 is what shatters the arguments and persuasions of this world and it is what brings us back to the center of God’s design, His perfect plan. Philippians 3:10 negates the world’s projected value of comfort, inspires the heart to hope, exposes reality in Christ and awakens us to God’s power over illness, heartache, and even death.

This is joy—that I would be honored to share in the sufferings of Christ for His sake and for His glory. I need not compare. These are my sufferings for today. These are the things that are bringing me closer to my Lord and my Comforter. Today I am grateful.

My hope and prayer is that in sorrow, I will cling evermore to Jesus in hope rather than stew in bitterness, resentment, depression and/or anger. Because who can remain complacent in sorrow?