Between the eyes...

Today it hit me big time. I'm leaving. Leaving my family behind. I cried in the tub because I thought about how we'll be crying tomorrow as I leave my favorite, amazing sister, behind. I thought about leaving my parents. I thought about the tears that have already been shed in Belton and GW and East Texas and other places in recent weeks/days. I was talking to my sister today about how I'm realizing I'm waayyyy more of a people pleaser than I'd like to admit. This evening I realized how much it hurts me to know that my family will hurt when I leave. This may sound contradictory to my last post. Its not.

Tonight I feel like I got a small taste of Luke 14.
"Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: ²⁶ “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. ²⁷ And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."


Now I don't feel like I hate my father and mother and brothers and sisters but I feel like they might feel like I do. I have had people ask in jest, "What did we do that was so bad that you want to move over there?"


But tonight, I wish with everything in me that Momma would know that she is an inspiration to me. That I share with others how blessed I am that God has graced me with her and the joy that I find in our relationship these days. God is so good.


I want Daddy to know that its not just lip service when I say he has set the bar super high. That he's everything I could hope for in a father. I guess he will know how much I'll miss long hugs and inside jokes like "What is it?" "You sneaky Daddy!" and in a British accent, "Daddy?" With response, "What-ey?"


I want my older brother to know that I wish with all my heart that I could be here when he gets to Texas and that my sister-in-law would know that I'm sad to miss out on the chance to be so close to her and get to know her well. And I'm sad I'll miss out on the cute-ness that is Kaden.


I want my younger brother to know that I'm super glad he's going with me to move to Ghana and that I wouldn't choose any other person on this earth to go. I want him to know the encouragement that he's been in my life and the hope I have in the future that God has for him.


I want my sister to know a lot that I can't type right now because I'm way too emotional. I want her to know that the best gift she has ever given me was taking all her time off to spend the week with me as I get ready to move. And I want my brother-in-law to know that that is also the greatest gift he has given me!


I don't want my family to think I hate them. I don't want them to hurt. 


Today and the next few days I will be living, breathing and moving on Grace alone!