24 October 2009

Jesus as Lord and Savior vs. sin management

So I have happened upon and heart-breaking truth. This happened a few years back but recently all of my thoughts and experiences have kind of come together and I understand better now what I have been seeing.

When people ask when I accepted Jesus as my Savior I will tell them, “When I was five.” Then I will quickly add, “But I didn’t ask Him to be my LORD and Savior until I was 21. And I didn’t care to follow Him until then.” Please let me explain.

We see in Proverbs and in 2 Timothy how when a child is trained in the Lord’s ways he will always have that to come back to. My parents did a great job raising me in the church. I learned the Bible stories and I definitely had moments in which the Holy Spirit spoke into my life but I never reached a point to where I wanted to allow God to lead my life.

I left home to go to college and that was definitely a place for me to grow in my faith. I had an incredible godly young woman for a roommate who was such an encouragement and leader in the faith. I also had some very vocal godly professors. I attended church, read my Bible, and participated in “extracurricular God-stuff” but still only knew Jesus as a saving mechanism.

At the same time I said I was trusting Jesus as my Savior, I was seeking other ways to be validated whether it was through the people I was with, the activities I participated in, how well I did in classes…you name it. Nothing was fulfilling.

And one night in my dark little dorm room I fell on my knees weeping (for the first time in my life) and in between sobs cried out to God! Interestingly enough, I wasn’t crying out for Him to save me but to take my life and lead it. Guide it. Own it. That was the first moment in my life that I desired to declare Jesus as my Lord as well as my Savior.

My faith and my life have not been the same since! Not at all!

We all have sins that we struggle with. For me there were some that I just couldn’t rid my life of! I would hear sermons that would be encouraging and helpful in either strategizing how to abstain from participating or to confess and seek forgiveness.

In growing in my faith, I have been made aware of the fact that what I have been doing for so many years was trying to manage my sins- to lessen them, to speak them aloud, to hate them, and to fight them. And in managing my sins for so many years, instead of finding myself with my burden lightened and full of hope, I found myself with a heart continually growing heavy and my hope dying out. Managing my sin allowed for condemnation and guilt when I failed to manage them correctly. I was told in various ways that my failure to manage would separate me from God. I failed most of the time, so as one could imagine I felt I was never near God. He was always too far away from me.

Within the past four years I have experienced Jesus leading my life, lording over me. Through this I can confidently say I have become a follower of Jesus, maybe not a great one, but a follower nonetheless!

I have come to realize that the faith is not about sin management. It’s not even about our sins. It’s about who God is, who Jesus was here on earth and who He still is. It’s about following Jesus and becoming more Christ-like every day. It’s less about who He doesn’t want us to be and more about who He does want us to be.

When we are committed to intentionally work toward becoming the “little Christ” that He wants us to be, our sins will die away with our old self. Not magically, but when we intentionally work toward our goal and when we truly commit and intentionally choose to follow Jesus.

After all, if we are a follower of Jesus, we will follow Jesus right? If we are not honestly following Jesus, His examples, character, and commands, then how can we claim to be a follower of Jesus?

And if anyone has found that he or she is also caught up in sin management, ugh!, please, I beg you…stop. Get out. It’s no good. It doesn’t work. I tried it for most of my life. And I truly believe that it is a ploy from the enemy to keep us separated from our Lord and Savior.

If you want me to explain more about my personal experiences (and you are female) let me know. I will. I don’t have to be ashamed because I am not in the sin management business anymore! (If you want more information but are not privileged enough to be female, then I will refer you to a guy that trust and am certain is on the same page!)

To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy- to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority through Jesus Christ our Lord before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. Jude 1:24

Love,
Sandra

27 September 2009

Meet Blaze!




Everyone, this is Blaze! My new buddy here in La Porte, he is about three months old and is just too darn cute!

The trip home in the car totally wore him out. He's getting used to riding with me everywhere now and I think he approved of my house after he sniffed out every corner of every room!

The Lord's Ways

Isaiah 55:8-10 (New International Version)

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I am learning the truth of this scripture as I see how much of my plans for missions aren't necessarily God's ways.

I have been awakened to some things that have interrupted plans (to say the least) and totally changed them (to say the most! :)

It is a difficult situation but things do not appear to be working out according to 'my ways.'

I received such encouragement from a friend today and she said that just because things are changing and don't appear to be working out the way I have planned thus far doesn't mean that God isn't working. She said that my calling my just take a different look or form than I expect.

She's right. God's ways are higher than mine and His thoughts likewise, thank goodness!! The lost would be in trouble if ministry plans were left up to me.

So for now I'm going to trust in Him and wait on His word. Would you pray with me just whenever you think about it, that I would lay down my own will and lowly ways for His will and ways?

Thank you for your support and encouragement! This last week was definitely a week of encouragement, restoration and refreshment!!

12 September 2009

Thank you God that You are who You are in spite of who I think You ought to be!!!!

Brief Recap on my Call to Missions

As many know, I have been called to full-time missions in Ghana. I am currently in the process of getting paperwork ready, raising funds, and preparing myself spiritually and physically. I plan to use this blog as a means to keep people updated so that I don't bombard family and friends with emails all the time.

Since I will post updates I figured I should start at point 'A' so someone doesn't jump in at point 'H' and wonder what's going on! If anyone would like a more lengthy version or has questions just email me at holenroof@gmail.com.

In January 2007 I got an invitation from my best friend from college, Elizabeth, to travel with her, her husband and a team to Ghana in West Africa. I had no idea how it could/would be pulled off but in just five months things came together (minus the passport! -long story) and I was committed to going.

It was an incredible two week trip. I taught hygiene and assisted with other things like packaging medicines and playing with children. I got pretty sick and lost two or three days. I don't think I had ever been that sick in my life. By the end of the trip I had found this love for the people we worked with and my heart was saddened by the fact that I may not be able to return.

I struggled being back in the states but eventually things came back together and the door was open to return to Ghana the following summer, this time with my younger brother. We stayed an entire month with the missionaries there. It was indescribable! We got to really get to know Daddy Joey and Momma Patti and we got to try our hand or at least observe many different mission endeavors: Patti with her medical care, Robert and Joey with the filters and rabbit barn, observing the school and the children, cooking, church services, shopping in the markets, hygiene lessons, pump repair...you name it! Before we left for this trip I had felt a tug on my heart to full-time missions and I was able to take one day at a time and really see what I thought about this calling. I feel like God gave me many opportunities to count the cost of serving in such a capacity. I had expressed to Joey and Patti some of what I was feeling and they were very encouraging! When we left Ghana, my second time, it was still difficult but a little less difficult knowing odds were good I'd be back.

And I did go back in July of this year. This year we went for three weeks and spent time teaching health and hygiene, evangelizing and helping Joey and Patti get things back together again in their village. Before this trip I had already been through a mission training school. I'd resigned my teaching position and moved me things up to the Houston area so I could substitute teach until it was time for me to move into the field. July was another opportunity for me to experience being in the field (for a short time) and weigh the cost. (Luke 14:25-33)

And I still want to submit to what God is calling me to. I'm not entirely certain of the timing. I got word the other day that it could take 3 weeks to 2 years to process my paperwork. I'm not sure how long it will take me to complete my fundraising. So I am in a waiting period. (Psalm 130:5)

While I am waiting I am looking for a new home church where I can jump in and work with like-minded believers. I am trying to learn as much as I can. I am looking to be discipled as that is what I feel like God is specifically calling me to.

The burden for discipleship was placed on my heart when I witnessed hundreds coming to Christ but no one sincere enough staying behind to disciple new believers and bring the Word to the forefront of the lives of those who had previously committed themselves to traditional worship and animism. I plan on discipling Ghanians (in whatever capacity God allows) who will then turn to disciple those in their village. (2 Timothy 2:1-2)

I also would like to have some children stay with me and assist me in learning Ghanaian culture, keeping a Ghanaian house and so on. I hope to be able to homeschool them.

I will begin this mission with a two-year commitment although at this very moment I could see myself spending a lifetime there! But I know that God has a plan and when I try to set something in stone it usually ends up shattered. Which is good because it means I myself am not in control but God is!

So this is where I am right now. I have decided if a full-time job comes open I will likely take it. I have absolutely enjoyed substituting because I have been able to serve in so many different capacities and subjects. This has allowed me to see where I might fit best in a classroom. I have taught PE the last few years and coached the last couple as most people know, but I do not want to be in the Gym anymore. I feel like classroom time will be most beneficial in preparing me to teach in Ghana, if and when the opportunity arises.

As I said I am currently looking for a church but I have a friend who has mentioned her church and it seems promising, especially for discipleship.

Well, there's tons more. No questions off limits when it comes to missions!! Feel free to email me any questions you may have, but I said I'd keep this brief and I think this is the best I can do!

Viruses and Restoration

I have some incredible news I have to share!!

So I have been having problems with my two month old laptop because I was foolish. I didn’t update my anti-virus after my one-month trial and got some nasty virus or trojan or something. After I got this virus on my computer it would not allow me to go to Norton or McAfee’s webpage to download an antivirus and clean it up. This happened about a week and a half ago on Monday or Tuesday. My brother came into town Friday and worked on it from Friday to Sunday and could do absolutely nothing to rid the computer of this virus! And he’s a whiz at stuff like this!

I have been kind of frustrated or down in other areas of my life and this just kind of added to it for many reasons but mainly because it looked like I was going to have to chunk this computer (or sell it for cheap) and buy a new one. See this computer was basically a gift to me for my mission work. It is a small $400 laptop but it does the job quite nicely! And because of my current situation, money isn't something I have to throw around, or even use to replace a laptop.

It doesn’t have a CD/DVD slot but I figured I didn’t need one. Well, in order to create a disc to totally restart my computer I had to have a DVD drive. I took my laptop to Best Buy and asked how much it would cost for them to totally restore my computer, deleting everything on it (including the problem) and start back over like my computer was new. $130! That was the cost. I had had my computer for just about two months and I was already going to have to pay a third of what the sucker cost in the first place! I asked the Geek Squad guy I was talking to if I could just do it myself. He said it’s possible so I bought a DVD drive for $80 that was necessary to make the restore DVD. I took it home plugged it in and the computer wouldn’t register it. I probably tried it twenty different times. Each time only brought more frustration!

I decided the problem must have been that I bought the wrong thing, so the next day I took it back and bought a smaller one. I tried it at least five times and it didn’t work. The computer wouldn’t register it when it was plugged in. I put my left hand on the DVD drive to see if I could feel it working at all and I put my right hand on my laptop to see if it was working and neither of them were doing a thing!

In all of my frustration, for the first time since this ridiculous virus appeared, I cried out to God over this. I just uttered a desperate, “Oh God please!!” And the DVD drive whirred to life and the computer began working and all of a sudden there was the “DING” that I had been waiting on for two days! The computer found the drive! NOW it was possible (but still not probable) that the computer could be fixed!

While both technologies were working I continued to pray, “Oh Jesus thank you! Oh Jesus! Jesus! Please let this work! Jesus!”

And it worked!

My heart was happy but it was so filled with joy! After so much money spent and so many attempts by several people, it looked like nothing could be done. Then my Lord stepped in when He heard my desperate cry over a silly thing like a computer, and I didn’t even cry out in faith but more so out of frustration and just totally feeling defeated.

I realized by seeing how quickly my attitude changed that (although I don’t believe I am often like this) lately I have let circumstances and events affect my attitude and my heart way more than they should. Should I let a broken computer steal my joy? Absolutely not! How silly!
So I stayed up quite late restoring my computer and yelling out a “praise Jesus!” every once and a while. After 11pm I looked at my clock and decided I really should get to bed as I had work early the next morning, but I wanted to stay in the moment, praising and worshiping my Lord in all His glory and grace that He would choose to restore my computer in the way that He did. Finally I could hold my eyes open no longer and I fell asleep.


I was awakened not too much later and felt like I should look up the verse I was supposed to be memorizing that week.

I say “supposed to” because earlier in the week when I saw what it was I thought, “Eh, that one’s overused!” People take it out of context and use it for their own self-satisfaction and I just decided I was going to skip it! The point of the verse was to give Assurance of Answered Prayer. And the verse was this:

“Until now, you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” John 16:24 (NIV)

And it totally overwhelmed me! I had not memorized the verse and when I read it, true amazement swept over me like warm water. It could have said this:

Sandra,
Until this moment when you laid your hands on your computer and called out to me (even in your little faith) you had not asked Me to fix your computer. Just ask me and you will receive and I will make your joy so totally complete you won’t even want to sleep!


Did God restore my computer to make me feel good? No probably not, although I think He probably enjoyed that. My reactions and heart were probably like they used to be on Christmas morning! But I think that He did take the opportunity to display His power and who He truly is. I think that He used that moment to make that verse totally applicable so I wouldn’t pick and choose what verses are “good” and “bad.” I think that He displayed His power so that I might see the truth in this verse rather than what the world and worldly pastors and teachers have made it out to be- 'a gimme gimmick!'

God is good. He is holy. He is just. He is righteous. He is merciful. And good gosh-a-mosey, He is certainly gracious! His Word is true, although what we perceive is true may be somewhat skewed due to experience or what we hear. But God in all of His goodness, will do what He needs to in order to allow us to see and experience Him and His Word as they were meant to be! How incredible!

And isn’t it funny, at the same time my computer was restored, I found restoration in my faith, in my joy and in my relationship with the Lord. And now I have assurance that God indeed does answer prayers! (Even the puniest ones!)

Now I can continue with my budgeting, Ghana mission updates, journaling, communicating with believers, keeping track of mission supporters and an occasional game of solitaire.
 

12 August 2009

Guess what I found at the Dentist?!?

She is off to the dentist. With hardly more than painful experiences behind her, she departs for the office. She recaps the clamps she has had placed on her teeth, the many injections, the fillings without painkillers, that one dentist with 'high overhead' (even though he said he didn't need a new boat), the unnecessary procedures... Oddly enough in the pit of her stomach, for the first time ever, she is calm on the way to the dentist and even has the thought go through her mind, "I have a good feeling about this." She verbalizes it to the road noise and to herself.

She checks in and visits with the receptionist as she fumbles through her U.S. and foreign currency, giving her recent return from a foreign country as the reason she cannot find her insurance card! The receptionist asks questions and it is not long before the patient connects with many in the office because of either her mission endeavors or her faith.

She is called back for her teeth cleaning and exam. The amiable dental hygenist waits for her patient to get settled in. Conversation begins and a common thread is found immediately! Africa. Her loved one has a heart for the children there. The patient hangs on every word that the hygenist says, envisioning the children's faces as they receive their new school supplies or shoes or toothbrushes! She knows the emotion, the passion involved.

She is surprised when she hears that Julie has never been to the mentioned country! Julie has been the 'stateside backbone' of the mission efforts through raising support and collecting donations. How can this be? How can someone be so passionate and invest so much in people whom she's never met? What makes someone's heart burn for such a thing?

God totally put the patient in touch with this specific dentist, especially with all that she has in common with so many there. One hygenist just got back from a trip to India and the dentists nephew(?) is a missionary in Dubai. The office is riddled with excitement as far as the patient is concerned. As a girl the patient used to listen to her dentist sing or hum (she did have a good voice :) but now she gets to hear stories of people serving all over the world! How awesome is that!

The patient left the office that day with a most precious gift, a symbol from Julie of her investment, willingness, and desire to be a part of the missions that are taking place in Ghana!