Sad

I have a friend who suffers from Muscular Dystrophy. I've only known her since 2010 and she has been in a state where she relies wholly on her husband for most every task. This couple is allowing me to stay in their Fifth wheel trailer until I move out of the country. For the past two years this is where I've been. To me, their generosity is the same thing as donating $9,600 because I have not had to pay rent. They are very kind, supportive and great at visiting and encouraging.

Sunday I got a phone call that she was gone. I was unaware of her hospital stay. Today was her memorial. As a believer I know that she is experiencing the fullness of our salvation...she is complete, whole and totally free from that with which she struggled here.

But today my heart is sad. She's gone. I won't see her again on this earth. No one gave me notice. No one told me that my last visit would be just that...my last. I was only out of town for two weeks.

My hope is in heaven, its in Jesus. Knowing that my friend is free is incredibly calming.

But I also see her husband hurting. And I hurt. I saw her family, hurting and still suffering from this disease. And I hurt. And I know if I ever step foot in their house again, she won't be there. And I'm sad.

I'm not hopeless, please don't misunderstand. My hope is not far away, I feel like. This life is short. Unfortunately there is still pain. And I struggle to grieve.

Please pray for my friend's husband and their family and friends. And pray for me too while you're at it, please.

Thinking of those I know who have lost spouses and praying for them...

Experiencing Newfound Freedom

In April 2011 I typed this but just now got the nerve to post it.

***I am going to start this with a "non-disclaimer." People who know me, know that I speak up for what I believe in when I feel it's necessary. I'm always learning how love, mercy, and grace should be in what I share. This is a "non-disclaimer" because I AM taking full responsibility of what I am sharing, however, I do acknowledge that some may disagree and that's totally okay. Because this is my blog and because my experience has been so profound in my life, I wanted to share it. We don't hear about stuff like this too much and I am not ashamed of the Gospel and its impact on my life. :) Enjoy! Or don't, whatever suits you. :)***

I was born in the US. Born into freedom. I have never known a life where I was not free to say and do whatever I wanted.

Because I was born into this freedom, I forget about it. I don't think I often understand the sacrifices that took and are taking place for my freedom. I think many of my compadres and peers in the US are much the same way. I don't understand what it is like to be "set free" from another country's ruling and authority. I only understand what it is to "be free". Make sense?

BUT after choosing to follow Christ, I have experienced what it means to be SET free.

I have tried to fight for my freedom from one particular sin for well over a decade of my life. I have relied on Scripture, praise, devotional time, friends, family...all to no stinkin' avail! I began to question, "Where is the power of God in my life?"

But I had a week where a few people committed to praying for me for the entire week. During that week, I felt the Lord's guidance to confession, forgiveness of myself and others, refusing to judge others any longer...and what took place was basically a cleansing/purification process directed by and before the Lord.

Now I have spent time confessing sins before, but this time, I didn't sit down and make a list of sins and cross them off as I went along. Instead, I waited on the Lord to bring to mind anything I needed to confess and to be quite honest, it was like my spirit vomited! Forgive me. I know the word is a strong one but let's be real, "sin" isn't just a little 'step off the path'. Sin is a leap into slavery. In John 8:34 Jesus said, "Everyone who sins is a slave to sin." In Romans we're told that the one we obey is to whom we are enslaved and if it is sin we're enslaved to, well, that leads to death.

Also, we know that God cannot stand sin. It is contrary to every facet of His Being. I have prayed the the Lord would fill my life and faith with Himself, that His Holy Spirit would come and fill myself, the ministry He has called me into and every area of my life I could think of at the time.

And if Light is to enter a place, darkness MUST go. Therefore, the Lord brought out many things that I needed to confess. As they came to mind, I acted in every way I knew how to confess, to see how God sees that action/word/thought and agree with Him, move forward in a way that was pleasing to Him and thank Him for His certain forgiveness (1 John 1:9). I spent a week doing this....a week...a WEEK! That's a lot of junk. And I continue to do this each day (so maybe I won't have to dedicate another whole WEEK to it later :).

But as the Lord showed me what I needed to be rid of, one thing in particular rocked my world. See I may not know what it means to be enslaved to another person. But I KNOW what it means to be enslaved to sin. I know how it is to fight with everything in me but when the enemy just pointed his finger, I would bow.

At this point many may disagree with me. Maybe I'll disagree with me later but at the moment, I can only share my experience.

As a child I opened the door to a world I did not believe in and had no idea of its power. I allowed the Enemy a foothold to which he would strengthen himself year after year, sin after sin, until I was so bound by him in an area of my life that the entirety of life itself seemed pointless.

Yes, Christ was my Savior. I was seeking Him. I was growing in knowledge and in faith. But some areas of my life I felt helpless. I knew there was freedom in Christ but in these areas where I felt helpless, I knew I was a slave to the sin. It seemed like the bondage in one area of my life outweighed the freedom in all of the rest and it definitely interfered with my relationship with my King. I didn't understand it because I have heard story after story of how people who smoked or drank or whatever stopped the instant they chose Christ. So why was my case different?

Finally I reached a point where I understood, that Christ's death HAD conquered sin and it was MY responsibility and privilege to renounce the Enemy's hold on my life. I have begun to understand that the authority that Christ was given, He passed on to those who choose Him. As followers of Christ, we have the authority, through the Helper, to be free from sin, to resist the Enemy...and it was my responsibility to shut the door to evil that I had opened, even if unknowingly, as a child. I believe that it was the oppression from the Enemy (that I unknowingly allowed) that kept me in sin.

No one told me this. I didn't read a book on "How to be free from sin." I just sat in my little fifth wheel trailer and did my best to follow the Lord's direction. I knew that I wanted to know God more. I knew that I wanted His Spirit to guide and direct. Through prayer and His word, I knew I needed to rid my life of some things through confession. As I mentioned, I allowed the Lord to lead me through this, rather than trying to figure it out myself. And as He did, and I obeyed (even if it seemed a bit different than what I was used to), He was faithful in forgiving my sins and PURIFYING me of all unrighteousness. And...

Jesus may have been reading this for those present at the time, but I believe He fulfilled the prophecy for me too:

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has appointed Me to preach Good News to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind. To release the oppressed, to proclam the year of the Lord's favor." Luke 4:17-19

I cannot express to anyone the feeling of freedom. I cannot express what I have been through for the last 'umpteen' years trying to free myself apart from the power of God (not the knowledge of God, not the word of God but the actual power of God). I always heard the scripture from Matthew 11 "for my yoke is easy and my burden is light" but having something sooooooo heavy in my life made me skeptical about that passage. It's like carrying around 100 lbs of baggage. No matter what task I have ahead of me, its going to be more difficult because of the extra junk. But when the baggage is removed, because I've carried the weight around for so long, even the difficult tasks seem easy.

His yoke is easy and it is light. Not because I say so and not even because I've experienced it but because He said so and because its true. His yoke is easy and His burden is light and it helps to not be a slave to any sin or oppressed by any principality of this world.

There are so many ways that we are oppressed and held captive that we may not even know. Through this world and our flesh the Enemy grabs at us looking for a place to hang on and drag us down with him.

For those who have read this and are skeptical, remember that it is only my account of my own experience. I have been vague and left out details because I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. I am only attempting to share my own account because few have shared any such encounter with me.

We should not forget that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12

It's difficult to remember that at times when we are so busy investing in the things of this world. Don't let your daily prayer time with the Lord suffer. Don't let the busyness of life crowd out your Jesus time. Invest in eternity daily. After all, its the only lasting investment.

Just an honest moment...

 

So I don't think this is a good place to vent. But I woke up with this on my mind and as I'm sitting here trying to type up some emails for the Medical team going to Ghana this summer, it is all I can think about.

As I woke up this morning, the first thing I did as I lay awake was mentally list some the things I, as one "someBODY," can do:

• Use my hands to... clean and bandage wounds, hold a baby, prepare foods like palmnut soup and banku OR porkchops and potatoes, greet someone, communicate, comfort someone, carry items, congratulate someone, type posts, fold laundry, wash dishes, and more...
• Use my mouth to smile, instruct, encourage, admonish, eat, inform, ask questions. bust out laughing...

• Use my legs to run, walk, lift things, play sports, hold children, drive, compete in a foot-race, ride a bike, go visit someone, go to market, prepare banku...
• Use my entire body to venture out into something new/unknown, be it service, or entertainment, or work...

And my heart and mind burn within me now as I remember last night, leaving a high school basketball game, hearing a man loudly bellowing explicative words as I walked ahead of he and his son. I thought surely it was about something personal (as the man's son was injured.) Being dark and being alone, I continued the trek to my car. The man inquired about my profession and then I knew his words were about me and my heart sunk at the way that he saw me.

Then his son (a young teenager) asked the man if he was going to get my number. He continued to talk about my body, specifically this time, and whom I may or may not be involved with.

It was gross. It made me want to shower. But that isn't always how I've felt. There was a sizeable time period when an encounter like that made me feel worth something (as crazy as that sounds.) And for people who know some of what I've been through over the years, that's not a shocker.

I think most girls from a young age feel like life is about the fairytales you see in movies. But its not the movies' fault they think this way because it's within the girl that this dream stems. (And for good reason which I won't go into here but Captivating by John and Staci Eldredge is a good read to discover that.)

For me it was a combination of things. Making a wrong right. Fixing what was broken so long ago. "Getting over" junk.

But the fairytale story only weighed me down and the crude comments like yesterday's (which I naively took as compliments) only made things worse inside.

I listened to all the Christian songs about how "I'm God's beloved" and He really wants me and yada, yada, yada...which didn't really help either. It was kind of like covering a wound without cleaning it. The "wound" was not visible and appeared to be better but inside it festered and got worse.

Then the time came to deal with the junk. And God did it. He peeled off the covering. That hurt. Cleans out the junk. That hurts. And begins to grow new tissue while taking out anything that might be harmful to the new tissue. Also not pain-free.

Part of that process was giving me new eyes to see that for which He has me here. And over the years I have seen and experienced why I am here.

One of the most precious moments for me is when I can hold a sleeping baby. Last night I held my cousin's newborn girl and it is the most serene moment. Yesterday I substituted with some cRaZy kids and was able to teach, encourage, direct, redirect, redirect, redirect... In October I was able to run a looooonng race with my best girl friend ever, my sister. When I am in my second home, I get to carry children on my back and feel their hands tucked under my arms, signifying their satisfaction and security with where they are, and I love how they press their little cheeks to my cool back in efforts to relieve their faces from the collecting heat. I'm learning to use my mouth to speak less and my ears to hear more. Not easy. Soon I'll be using my body to haul hundreds of pounds of luggage through an airport to move to my second home where I will soak in the sun as I make my rounds greeting my friends and doing all sorts of things!

As God shows me these things, the desire for lesser things fades.

(As well as the desire to punch someone in the face on behalf of virtue and respect.)


At that is why last night was different for me. And that is why I could just cry right now.

God has taken a messed-up mindset, with messed-up desires and is cleaning it up. I see value and worth in what God has put in me and before me. I see victory in good choices and His grace in poor ones. Utilizing my talents, gifts and body in a God-centered way brings joy beyond what I could ever express...and I couldn't do it with out God's hand in my life.

At the beginning of this post I was upset with the dude and his words. But writing has made me more aware of myself and what God has done in me, and now I'm not so upset. I still don't appreciate his words and implications. I don't like knowing that his mind was on my body and hearing what he wanted from me, but I recognize that is part of the world in which we live. And I suppose as long as I know my purpose, I don't have to put much stock in what other people think and say.

For those ladies who wonder what they are worth or struggle with understanding what life is all about, let this be an encouragement. There is Hope! God changes hearts and minds and He starts with our own.
(Look at what God told His people back in the day:  "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God. I will save you from all your uncleanness.)

For those who have been burned, be encouraged. There is Hope! And He can make all things right and will if we ask Him. Now, "Right" may not be what we expect but it will definitely be good because God is good and has a plan for you, a good one! He says so.

For those who somehow haven't struggled with this, praise God that He has covered you. He does that sometimes, not because we are worthy or because we did something better than someone else, but because it is a part of His design and He has plans to use you and your story.

And for any male who reads this...
I understand why guys think women are confusing and complex. I've always said they aren't but I'm pretty sure I'm wrong. At the moment I just have a couple of thoughts running through my mind...

1) The commandments given to us are:
Love God with all your heart, soul, and strength. And Love your neighbor as yourself.


2) The commandments are not:
Make women feel worthy and beautiful. It's your responsibility to figure out the heart of a woman and then tip-toe around it. Women are always right. Do your best to fix them or at least not upset them. (I apologize on behalf of women if you've felt that pressure.)

I'm probably not in a place to really give insight or counsel but I would encourage guys of faith to let go of what women say you should do and how you should be. Let go of what the world says you should do (for sure.) And simply love God like He tells us to and when you do this, you'll see your sisters as you should. And then, to love women (in general) as yourself - Not going overboard as if every woman is your potential wife and not swinging the other way as if every woman is the plague. (Oh and maybe don't yell out obscenities at a woman if you like the way she looks, actually, don't yell out anything, unless maybe she's your wife or something like that! :)

For all of us, the way we respond and communicate with people has an impact. But unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much black and white. Every friendship is different. Every relationship is different. Each passerby is different.

So for now, I'll work on loving my God with everything I've got and loving my neighbor the way He is teaching me to love myself...even if what he says makes me cringe.

Whew...I've got to get an email out to my team. Good debrief/learning session for me though.

Look Around. Keep the Vow.

In Everlasting Memory of the anguish of our ancestors may those who died rest in peace. May those who return find their roots. May Humanity never again perpetrate such injustice against Humanity. We the Living vow to uphold this.

This picture was taken in Elmina Slave Castle. The last two sentences hit me like a rock.

This is a dream. I don't believe it will ever be accomplished in its entirety. Humanity is allowing injustices against Humanity daily. Yes it still goes on in Africa in traditional and non-traditional ways, in despicable ways and in socially acceptable ways.

BUT my dear friends, it's going on in the U.S. too! Look around. Every month or so I get online to stay updated with an organization called "Redeemed Ministries"  (http://www.redeemedministries.com/ They are based in Houston, TX.)

Twenty-five percent of all human trafficking cases in the US come out of Texas. Thirty-seven percent of all human trafficking calls are from the Houston area. Check it out-- Slavery in Houston Video : http://vimeo.com/14351334

Y'all this is crazy! My calling is to Ghana. But still I cannot be okay with what's going on here. So I've made it my job to help people be informed. That's what I can do right now.

The first step in "seeking justice" and "showing mercy" to the "poor and oppressed" is to get our heads out of the sand and be informed. It's hard. It's hard because it means we have to step out of our little "Polyanna World" and accept the fact that for many, life is not okay, in fact its atrocious. Knowing might require us to use our means (connections, time, finances, materials), for something outside of what we know and outside of our plans.

If you are a believer, you have more to offer than we could ever realize!! We can pray. Pray for those doing the work in Houston, TX, in California, and in other countries.

We can't save the World. We are not responsible for the world. But we can sure as heck do everything that we can do. right. where. we. are.

I encourage you, be informed. Look Around. And Keep the Vow.

May Humanity never again perpetrate such injustice against Humanity.

God bless!

Expect the Unexpected

Life is unpredictable right?

Especially now, for me it is unpredictable with the unexpected constantly calling my cell. When I answer my phone I may learn that I need to drive 250 miles to meet someone, change a meeting or attend a training.

I've learned to expect the unexpected and in so many ways, go with it.

But as much as I anticipate the unexpected, I've learned I can never prepare for it.

Sometimes the unexpected comes out of left field, so to speak, and I'm clueless as to how to respond to it!

Go with your gut, right? Sometimes my gut is selfish. Pray about it, right? Sometimes I don't listen to an answer because my mind is made up. Seek counsel, right? So many times when I seek counsel I hear what I want to hear.

I fully believe that there is NO WAY that I can prepare for the unexpected. BUT I do see ways in which God has prepared me in certain situations through past experiences. And when God makes a change, He does it for good. He keeps His promises. I guess that's reason enough not to discount the lessons for today!

One of the most comforting thinks for me today is the first three words of Jeremiah 29:11... "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Here are God's chosen people...in exile to Babylon (probably didn't expect that one)...and God is telling them to settle down and be at peace with their captors...(another unexpected).

He tells them the whole time HE KNOWS. All that matters is that God knows. It doesn't matter if we do or not.

He goes on in compassion and in my own summarization He says, "While in this place you will realize that you need Me and will be desperate to communicate with Me. And when you actually try, I will listen. Then, I'm going to blow your mind again because just as I let you be carried into the unexpected, into captivty, I will lead you out of it back to the land that I promised you. So trust me. I know."

Okay, the real scripture is:

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

So when the present unexpected invades my mind throughout the day, I'll just verbalize, "For I know".

He knows.

A video update on progress toward moving to Ghana

Good News!!! From Traditional worship to Jesus!

Missed it...again

Adventure!: Part 2

Adventure!- Part 1

I've been Stateside for several months now. I have been busy getting things ready to go physically. I'm probably only about halfway there!

There's just something about being in one place, doing the same things over and over, that is difficult for me no matter where I am. One of the hard things about serving in Ghana is every day is new and unexpected but its also one of the brilliant things. More than ever I'm aware of how I cannot relax in my faith, commitment, service, compassion, giving, discernment, and trust in/to the Lord.

My hair is one of those things about myself that I kinda like. I cut it super short in college and it just made me look awful! I also dyed it in college and it made me look dead...or like a greasy-haired girl who never washed my hair.

But I decided to go out on a limb and color it (paid $5.00 for a home kit). Next week I'll cut it. I've made the decision to go all out and do something maybe no one would expect. I mean, it'll grow back. And if it goes bad, well I'll have something to blog about!!!

Some of my daydreaming

My dream for the people I love in Ghana is to see them grow in Jesus. I want Kwesi, as he grows from a baby to a boy and a boy to a teenager to know who God is and what He is like. I want Augustina to experience God's grace and share it with others. I want Edinam with her tender heart to share her compassion with those around her just like Jesus did with the people around Him.

I want to be able to discuss God's Word with Sister Teresa in Evegbe so we can be learning together. I want to see her teach her apprentices not only sewing but about Jesus as well. I want to see the church leader's grandmother believe in and trust Jesus. I want to see headmasters turn from anger in competition toward love. I want to see men love their wives well. I want to see Pastor's serving their people and not just profiting. I want to talk to the lady selling fish about what God has done in my life and I want to sell bread with the people at the barrier and have discussions with them about life. I want to watch football teams play each other regularly and in tournaments. I want to see volleyball teams too and basketball teams too. Both girls and boys playing. And to see youth playing to honor God.

My heart is to see the South Tongu district flooding with the love of Jesus and a hunger to know Him more and more and more and more!!