Taking a break from all the plans that I have made...

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze

If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols


Jerk the pews & all the decorations, too 

Until the congregations few, then have revival

Tell your friends that this is where the party ends 

Until you're broken for your sins, you can't be social


Then seek the Lord and wait for what He has in store 

And know that great is your reward so just be hopeful


'Cause you can sing all you want to

Yes, you can sing all you want to

You can sing all you want to

And still get it wrong;
worship is more than a song


Take a break from all the plans that you have made 

And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper

Beg Him please to open up His mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister

Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open

Then read the Word and put to test the things you've heard 

Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken


'Cause you can sing all you want to

Yes, you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to

And still get it wrong; worship is more than a song


We must not worship something that's not even worth it

Clear the stage, make some space for the One who deserves it


Anything I put before my God, is an idol
Anything I want with all my heart, is an idol
Anything can't stop thinking of, is an idol
Anything that I give all my love, is an idol

'Cause I can sing all I want to

Yes, I can sing all I want to
I can sing all I want to
And still get it wrong

And you can sing all you want to

Yes, you can, you can sing all you want to

You can sing all you want to

And still get it wrong; worship is more than a song
Worship is more than a song

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze
If that's the measure you must take to crush the idols

Fighting to not be "Miss Jonah"

I'm back in the US. I got back a week ago today. It was a last minute decision to buy the ticket, but it was a long-time-coming-decision as I had been praying about what to do for a couple of months and in my gut, knew this would be the conclusion.

I don't know why I'm back. I'm told (by others) that I made a mistake or that I am making a mistake. Still others say that I am now where I should be.

In a sentence, what I "planned" to do in Ghana didn't pan out, but God still did amazing things in sports ministry and in the lives of believers in Ghana; sometimes I was a leader and sometimes I was an observer and other times I was a participant.

But even knowing and thinking of all of the incredible things God did as He worked out His own plan, something in me (selfishness, pride) makes me want to turn into a copy of Jonah.

The message of plans for work in Ghana are digitally recorded in church service, they're written out here in the blogs, and they've been shared verbally in many cities, towns and villages on three continents.

The hardest part about booking my plane ticket was the fact that things didn't work out the way I expected. That's pride to the max isn't it? 

I felt like God gave me all of these dreams and vision for Ghana and every. single. one. fell through. 

In that respect, I felt like Jonah on the boat. Because every program I was working with was ceasing, failing or going downhill, surely it was me. I was the only common thread in the different ministry efforts throughout the country. I began to pull back some and just go with what was before me rather than force anything.

Then sickness came by way of parasites. Forcing me to be still. All I could do was think, and sometimes not even that!

As the next ministry plans fell through, I knew for certain that I would be going home although I was (and still am) unsure why things must play out this way.

I didn't have to fight at first. I recognized my place, humbled as I purchased my plane ticket. But somewhere in the last few days, something has built up in me and I feel like I'm fighting to not be a female version of Jonah, mad at God because he was sent by Him on a task to declare something which would never play out because of God's great grace.

I left on a task, leaving my supporters and friends and especially family with expectations. And carrying those same expectations with me on my shoulders. And by God's grace, as it is interwoven into every detail by His nature, those expectations didn't play out, but rather He provided relevant and applicable events and lessons that would speak better into the lives of those with whom we worked.

So why is it that my insides still feel like they are fighting? God's way was better for the people.

An online commentary on Jonah describes how I feel inside...(the weak and miserable part, not the want to die part.)

"Verse 8 Next day, when the sun grew hot, God also provided a hot east wind to blow upon Jonah’s head. Jonah felt so weak and miserable, he wanted to die. Jonah’s words were like Elijah’s words in the desert. Elijah, too, had run away. But he really wanted to do God’s work, and thought he had failed (see 1 Kings 19:4)."

Although I feel like I was forced to leave Ghana, in some ways, I feel like I've run away from the ministry or from the faith. 

The last sentence- "But he really wanted to do God’s work, and thought he had failed (see 1 Kings 19:4)."    - I feel like also speaks about how I feel. The verse referenced in 1 Kings is "while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”"

I have had enough Lord. Take my life. Do what you want. Anywhere. Africa. U.S. Sports. Teaching. Only, help me to see you and not me.