Lesson 03: “NO, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG – IT IS NOT RIGHT!”

(To understand why I'm posting entries from my stay in W. Africa, please read the brief explanation "X-Cultural LESSONS/observations".)

May 22, 2010

I’ve been in the country for one month today. I’ve learned a lot from the people. Africa has an ENTIRELY different lifestyle due to circumstances. It’s funny to see the African’s responses to the Yevu (white man) carrying a baby (or two), riding a bike or washing dishes. One afternoon I was sitting with a group of women after having finished a meal together, and I jumped on a bike resting against the tree and rode down the street and back. Upon my return one of the women stated, “You are a fast learner!” She mistakenly thought that I was riding the bike for the very first time.





Many people here sincerely believe that Americans do nothing all-day-long! (Just do be fair, I recognize that some do actually do nothing all day long.) It boggles my mind that they wouldn’t first draw the conclusion that in the American home somehow the dishes must get cleaned, the laundry washed, the house swept, and so on. I have found that in the mind of the average villager here, the only “right way” to do something is their way. (Americans have the same complex, for example, stating that the English drive on the “wrong” side of the road as opposed to the “left.”)




Every day I am corrected or instructed to do something differently. I have people telling me when to take my (bucket) bath and how much water to use for bathing. People tell me which direction I should walk or which path I should take when they do not even know my destination! They tell me what I should say or how I should respond to certain people or situations. And there are countless other words and actions I am corrected on throughout the day.



Today I broke. The morning’s greetings included two wailing children and screaming parents. Apparently the children upset each other. Emotions were high all morning. The tension was thick. As much as I do not mind confrontation when necessary, I struggle with such arguing and strife.








I decided taking my bath would get me away from some of the tension and as I attempted to fetch water, my roommate, an African, told me I was doing it wrong because I was using the wrong bucket! I snapped back with a scientific synopsis of how each bucket was equally dirty, if her preferred bucket was not even dirtier, duly stating the grounds from which I drew the conclusion.




And instantly I regretted it. I did not regret the way I thought but I did regret the words that came out of mouth and the embarrassingly rude tone that I shared with my friend. She was brought up without a detailed concept and understanding of hygiene and germs. In America, we cannot get away from it. Immunizations, soap, sinks and within the last decade or two, hand sanitizer abounds. Every home has at least two sinks with running water. Time and money are spent on advertisements on washing hands and maintaining hygiene. She didn’t have this. And who am I to snap at her and expect her to understand what I believe to be true?



This friend had even sat through some of my hygiene lessons I taught in previous years. I wonder how long it will take for her to realize that some of the health issues she has could be a result of her using the same knife to cut potatoes after cutting raw chicken. She doesn’t know about salmonella or other not-so-fun bacteria.



But one thing is certain; she will not come to a point of understanding by my force-feeding her “truth” in such a frustrated and heated state. Only through love and genuine concern might she be able to truly understand. And it is only when my heart is for her, devoid of selfish motives or frustration, that I can share with her in love.



And when I care more about her and her health and happiness than myself, I will find a way to share anything and everything that I find important enough to share.



The same is true in our faith. We can go through “witnessing programs” or “evangelism classes.” We can practice our two-minute testimony or discuss all of the many reasons we don’t witness enough. But what it comes down to is the place in which we find our hearts.



If my heart is in such a place that my number one desire is to worship God and bring Him glory and my number two desire is to see others know Him as I do or better, then I will easily be able to share with others who God is and what He wants for His Beloved.



John 3:17-18
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.




Father, my may heart always be first for You and second for those around me, that none will be condemned.

Her Wedding Day

***Disclaimer: This post has nothing to do with my beautiful, godly sister and her godly husband who recently got married. I wrote this in my journal long before my brother-in-law even proposed.***

One day in church I heard of a young woman who was going to marry soon. Her fiance was a believer but she herself was not and she confessed her uncertainty in choosing to follow Christ. That evening I went to bed and had the following (symbolic) dream...


Her Wedding Day

Her family arrives a day early to transform the church into an elegant display of tulle, ribbon and flowers. They’ve come together to support her as the Bride. Her emotions are beyond words. She is excited to be married, loves her family being together and is anxious about the next phase in life. Preparations are coming along better than one could expect.

It’s the day of the wedding and the final touches are being carefully put into place. The tiered cake, champagne and other items are placed on the tables with their necessary utensils to be used after the ceremony. There is no want. Every dream, every desire for her wedding is fulfilled!

Now it’s time for her to get ready. Her friend has graciously volunteered to fix her hair for her big day! She takes her hair and makes it dance with soft curls and shine with radiance, only adding to the brilliance in the Bride’s eyes! She places the comb of the veil in her hair as the final touch.

A friend of a friend works on her makeup. She puts on just enough to enhance her eyes and lips for pictures with the wedding party. The Bride thinks about who all will be present, asks for a bit more and her makeup is finished.

The last thing? Get dressed! This is no easy task with her dress consisting of several layers, nevertheless, she manages to put it on with the help of her mother and grandmother. The intricate beading and embroidery is beyond elegant and she feels it gives a grand portrayal of her for the day. When all is situated she is zipped, laced, snapped and buttoned! Finally, she slips on her shoes, picks up her bouquet and her bridal party moves just outside the doors awaiting their entrance.

The music begins and the bridesmaids and the maid of honor go first, followed by the hesitant little ones. As the bride enters the guests stand and nervously she zeroes in on the front. One foot in front of the other, she manages her way down the aisle, finding the front of the church.
As she arrives, confusion trumps the nervousness. Where is He? Where is the Bridegroom? Not believing that this could really be happening, she turns around and for the first time notices that not a single soul is present on the Groom’s side. No family, no friends. No one. It’s not a joke. He’s really not here.

It is only then that she realizes that she never accepted His proposal. How could she have overlooked such an important thing? How could this have happened? How could she have been so caught up in the wedding and the idea of being married that she could overlook and neglect the Bridegroom Himself?

Oh God, may we not get so caught up in religion, tradition or even the highlights of a believing life that we neglect to choose Your Son as our Bridegroom and live to be His Bride each and every day.

The American Family Enters the Third World

This is a quote excerpt from a book I read a while back (with my own thoughts added at the end). I don't remember the book it was in but I read it after my first trip to West Africa. The description brought me to tears as I realized how accurate it is and how clueless I was before I traveled to a third world country myself. Still, it blows my mind how one culture can be so oblivious and uninformed of nearly an entire continent in dire need, physically and spiritually.

It's worth reading.

"We begin by invading the house of our imaginary American family to strip it of its furniture. Everything goes: beds, chairs, tables, television sets, lamps. We will leave the family with a few old blankets, a kitchen table, a wooden chair. Along with the bureaus go the clothes. Each member of the family may keep in his ‘wardrobe’ his oldest suit or dress, a shirt or blouse. We will permit a pair of shoes for the head of the family, but none for the wife or children.

We move to the kitchen. The appliances have already been taken out so we turn to the cupboards…the box of matches may stay, a small bag of flour, some sugar and salt. A few moldy potatoes, already in the garbage can must be rescued for they will provide much of tonight’s meal. We will leave a handful of onions and a dish of dried beans. All the rest we take away: the meat, the fresh vegetables, the canned goods, the crackers, the candy.

Now we have stripped the house: the bathroom has been dismantled, the running water shut off, the electric wires taken out. Next we take away the house. The family can move to the tool shed…Communications must go next, not that they are missed since we must take away the family’s literacy as well. Instead, in our shantytown we will allow one radio…

Now government services must go next. No more postmen, no more firemen. There is school, but it is three miles away and consists of two classrooms…There are of course, no hospitals or doctors nearby. The nearest clinic is ten miles away and is tended by a midwife. It can be reached by bicycle, provided the family has a bicycle which is unlikely…

Finally, money. We will allow our family a cash hoard of five dollars. This will prevent our breadwinner from experiencing the tragedy of a ….peasant who went blind because he could not raise the $3.94 which he mistakenly thought he needed to receive admission to a hospital where he could have been cured.”

But let’s not stop there.

There are some American concepts that will have to go. Rather than a run, time will slow to a walk. Not that it matters as most do not know how to tell time or have any contraption with which to do so.

Morals once again have a dominant place in society. And the family too for that matter. All that takes place in each individual life has a major effect on the family the individual is a part of.
Children will no more be “protected” from the harsh but real things in life such as death, illness, diseases, pain, and especially work. There is no such thing as “child labor.” That in itself is an oxymoron. The child is not ‘laboring’ but learning and helping the family. There is no such thing as CPS.

The cliché “It takes a village to raise a child” no longer exists as a cliché but as reality. A teenager in the neighboring village may cane your child because he is doing something foolish. He will do it without your consent. Your child will be taught a lesson. And he will learn to respect all authority. Unfortunately, he may learn to fear them as well.

Privacy does not exist. An individual society does not exist. Rather than iPod, iTunes, i-Bible, it is we, we, we.

Any person is automatically entitled to what you have. So there goes your cash hoard of $5.00. And there goes your sugar and salt too as they are expensive.

The good thing is, with all of the family and villagers around, safety is less of an issue. However the health issues may increase due to lack of knowledge and understanding of health and hygiene issues.

This American family finding itself in a different state of living will be required to learn "the system." The way of life here is to be indebted to others and to have others indebted to you. This builds relationships. The American family must throw out it's pride and rely on others. It must throw out it's selfishness and allow others to rely on it as people draw from the family's already skeleton resources.

----

Because the culture is so different than our own Western culture, it would be so easy to label it as "bad" or "primitive" or "wrong." Third world culture is different because it has to be. How awful would we be to have First World expectations for a Third World country?

I have found myself working to rid myself of the First and Third World mentality. In my line of work, "the World" is not what life's about; in fact, it is the enemy.

It is important that people are able to see from a Third World perspective. It's also important that we don't get caught up in choosing a side and labeling it as better.

Jesus came to and for all. Jesus served all. Jesus met all kinds of needs. Jesus cared. Jesus' first priority was His Father's business.

We should have a heart for all people. We should serve all. We should help meet all kinds of needs. We should care deeply. Our first priority should be the Father and His business.

Lesson 02: “TSO, YOU MUST LEARN THE EVEGBE”

(To understand why I'm posting entries from my previous stay in W. Africa, please read the brief explanation "X-Cultural LESSONS/observations".)

May 2010

A woman here in the village had twins a few days before we arrived. We call her “The twins’ mother” (or “De twins’ mudda” if one is going for the African accented ‘proper English’). This morning she was speaking to me in Evegbe (the Ewe language). Naturally I sought assistance from my interpreter and friend who is staying with me. The twins’ mother waved her hands wildly and informed my interpreter and myself, in her broken but clear English, (which I had NO CLUE she could understand or speak) that I would need to stop relying on others for assistance and learn the Evegbe! To encourage me, many have told me about a “cheech and chong” (I believe they mean Chinese, by which they really mean Asian) lady living nearby who can speak the Ewe language quite well!

The twins’ mother continued to speak to me in Ewe and I drew what I could from her hand motions. She thought she was teaching me well as I spoke aloud in English what her hands were doing.

In reply, I began speaking English with a heavy southern drawl and said, “I feeeel liiiiiike yew aaaare harraaaaasin’ me.” I continued in the English I would normally use when speaking with adults at home or work and explained to her that I had almost no pre-knowledge of the Ewe language to draw from so there was no chance that I would be able to know the Evegbe that she was speaking even if I tried thinking really, really hard! She looked at me while I spoke and said, “Uh-huh,” nodding her head, but when I finished speaking she asked my friend to interpret what I said to her.

Knowing that even my interpreter did not know what I said, I interrupted waiving my hands wildly in the air. “Oh no! You must do the same as I!”

I think maybe then she understood a little more of where I am coming from, however, she still attempted to teach me later this evening.

So how does this apply to the faith? It made me think of a non-believer in the Western world. God is all around them and Jesus may even be prevalent in many societies but do we expect people to see evidence and just believe? When someone sees a figurine of Jesus on a cross in someone’s garden, should that encourage him or her to put his or her faith in Jesus?

With the Evegbe, I needed someone who knew the Ewe language and the English for me to live in this world (especially in the beginning!) For those that don’t know Jesus, they need someone who understands two things: 1) They understand life WITHOUT Jesus- i.e. temporary freedom, lawlessness, giving into temptation, giving into the lust of the flesh and worldliness AND 2) they need someone who understands life WITH Jesus- i.e. security of eternal life, continually growing relationship with God, the experience of victory over temptation and conquering lusts of the flesh only through Jesus Christ so that one’s relationship with Him can genuinely and unequivocally flourish!

When someone like this comes along he or she can better assist the unbeliever in understanding who God is, why Jesus’ sacrifice is necessary and what God wants from us. We should understand many languages and speak one- physically AND verbally.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3 & 4

Audrey Denise Liles

I can't believe my little, baby sister is going to be married in less than four days! I love her soooooooooo much!

Lady Lazarus

Quick Summary of Jesus raising Lazarus from the Dead:
- Lazarus (L) is sick
- L's sister sends word to Jesus
- Jesus says L will not be dead in the end
- Jesus does not go to L
- Jesus tells disciples L is "asleep" a.k.a. dead
- Jesus decides to go to L
- Nearly there, a sister meets Jesus and tells Him L has been dead for 4 days
- Sisters tell Jesus if he were there He could have saved L's life
- Jesus tells them L will have life again
- They arrive in the village and get closer to L's grave
- Jesus weeps
- Jesus is again deeply moved
- Jesus commands L to come out of the grave full of life

So Jesus raised L from the grave. Lots of thoughts and comments on this spectacular, miraculous moment. But this entry is really about what took place AFTER that moment.

John 12:2
A dinner was given in Jesus' honor and we find "L was among those reclining at the table with Him."

L with his new life and all, was hanging out with Jesus. Chill time. Relaxed and enjoying dinner.

12:9
"A large crowd found out Jesus was there and came, not only because of Him but also to see Lazarus, whom He had raised from the dead. So the chief priest made plans to kill Lazarus as well. For on account of Him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and putting their faith in Him."

People went to see Jesus but they also went to check out L, the one whose life Jesus affected (to say the least) and with whom He was currently spending time.

People were putting their faith in Jesus because of L's life. Jesus' work in L's life affected so many people that even the religious leaders at the time took note and even made plans to kill L.

God, may I live the life of a lady L where I can "recline" with You consuming the Bread of Life each day. May Your work in my life is so evident that people see You and choose to put their faith in You regardless of what may come.

Summary:
- Jesus loved L (He loves me too.) (Oh and you too.)
- Jesus gave L new life (Me too.) (You too?)
- Jesus spent intimate time with L (We can too.)
- Because of Jesus' work in L's life, people chose to follow Him (The same can happen with us.)
- Because of Jesus' work in L's life, L was in the line of fire (The same can happen with us.)

Time to choose if it's worth it or not. Luke 14. My choice is made! I'd love to hear your honest thoughts! (holenroof@gmail.com)

Lesson 01: “I WANT TO PUT IT THERE”

(To understand why I'm posting entries from my stay in W. Africa, please read the brief explanation "X-Cultural LESSONS/Observations."

April 2010

I was playing a game of solitaire on my laptop while staying in the city for a couple of days. Two young women and a girl stood behind me in awe, as they had never before seen or played the game on a computer. They were eager to learn.

I taught the girl first and after two attempts she still struggled to be successful so one of the young women took over. This young woman understood that the cards had to be played in descending order, but she did not grasp the concept of stacking the cards by alternating the colors black and red nor did she understand that only a king could fill the empty places that were created by uncovering all of the cards in a stack.

I instructed her in the beginning and slowly lessened my assistance as time went on. I sat quietly watching as she attempted to put a ten of clubs in an empty, or unoccupied, space. Finally, I said quietly, “Only a king can go in the empty place.”

She continued to click and drag the ten of clubs to the empty place. As she released the mouse the card would retract back to the pile it originated in. Determined she said, "I want to put it there.”

I said nothing. I had told her the way the game worked and she persisted to try her own way. By the end of the game she was mentally worn out and even physically exhausted from working so hard and staring so long at the computer.

Life is the same. We work so hard to do things “our way” only to find they are meaningless!(Ecclesiastes)
We are told that only the King can fill our empty places, nevertheless, we seek to fill them on our own and often with ourselves.

And all our loving Maker will do is wait, providing infinite opportunities to choose Him; His heart rejoicing each time we choose Him and aching each time we do not. By God’s grace, may we choose Him today!

X-Cultural LESSONS/observations

It’s true that sometimes it takes a different setting or an outside view of a situation to see it in light of truth. In addition, there are times when one just observes something and the mind draws a connection. These are my observations along with their connections made while living in a cross-cultural setting.

The 'different setting' mentioned in the first sentence would be a West African village. The 'outside view' is my view of my own culture while immersed in this West African culture.

I will not mention names or the country I stayed in as some journal entries may appear to be more than what they are, observations of a Westerner in a Third World country. (However if one really wanted to know where I was/am they can just read other entries within this blog.) These observations are not meant to represent any nation or people as a whole, rather they are honest documentations of a very much one-sided, foreign perspective. The most important thing is that through each, God taught me so incredibly much about myself and my own culture and way of living.

Each entry I will simply title "Lesson 01: I want to put it there", Lesson 02: Blah, blah, blah etc.

Enjoy the insights but remember to keep an open mind!

His,
Sandra